I’m going to open a very big can of worms with a very short post.  To some extent, this comes from the heartbreaking tragedy unfolding in the Catholic church.  But it’s a story that could be told in any number of churches, or any other institution, for that matter.

Leaders who cannot manage the dark side of their sexual sides become almost irretrievably destructive.

I think every person has some dark side to their sexuality, some aspect of who they are in this arena that is broken. Pornography, dysfunction, body image, abuse, incest, addiction, the list is enormous. And, as leaders tend to have especially intense personalities, often the struggle with the dark side can be even more difficult.

We have to get hold of it, or it will get hold of us.

I want to recommend two books.  One on the dark side of leadership, and the other a stirring account of the Ted Haggard scandal by his wife called Why I Stayed.  I’m really hoping for some helpful interactions on this.  How do we manage this?  Not just for the short term, but the long term?

I’ve been listening to Richard Rohr on “Adult Spirituality”, as well as listening to Dave Schmelzer expounding J. Robert Clinton, who has also been highlighted by Brian Housman in Cutting Edge.

Here’s the emerging question: what is the unique task of young leaders?  What is it that we must accomplish on this front end of a life of leadership if we are to get in on the long term stuff that God might have for our lives?  Each of the above has their own take- as someone transitioning from the “beginning” to the “middle” of my leadership journey, here’s my take (and, it should be noted, my vantage point would naturally have upside and downside, for example, I haven’t actually made it for the long haul yet).

Young leaders have three important tasks: change the world, realize our insignificance, and refuse to back down.

Only the young tend to have the naivete to try to change the world.  Our efforts tend to (rightly) irritate older leaders who know better.  But if we don’t try- who will?  Yet we must recognize that our efforts will end in disillusionment.  If they do not, they will either end in self-deception, or worse (think Stalin).  And yet, this youthful enthusiasm is the currency of this life stage.  If we don’t spend it, we end up lazy or cynical.

What must happen if we are to move on is to realize our insignificance.  Your High School Social Studies teacher was lying to you: you can’t change the world. It’s way bigger, way more complicated, and way more stuck in its ways than you thought. In fact, you’re doing well if you can even change yourself. Once this dawns on you, you’re ready to move on.  It isn’t the world you’re supposed to change- it’s yourself.

But you can’t quit- that’s your last task. You can’t give up on either yourself or the world. How is this possible? Faith. Faith is believing that God exists and that he rewards those who seek him (Hebrews 11:6). You keep on in leadership not because you’re so great, but because the terms of the game aren’t set by your limitations.

Well, that’s my quick take anyway. Change the world, realize your insignificance, don’t quit.  What are the unique tasks of your life?  Am I onto something? Or just young and foolish?

If you asked me, “Jeff, what is the single most helpful practice you have adopted to keep your spiritual life fresh as a leader?” I would have an easy answer.  Praying the psalms out loud.  The runner up?  No runner up, one clear, easy winner: pray the Psalms out loud*.

My suggestion: pray them in order, whether or not they fit your mood.  If you want to use them as a springboard for your own prayer, that’s great.  But if you just want to read them out loud, that’s totally fine.

Praying the Psalms helps resolve some of the great tensions of the development of a life of prayer (which is the great challenge of differentiating Christian leadership from other kinds of leadership).

Question: “what should I say when I run out of things to pray?” Answer: pray the Psalms.

Question: “how do I become a resilient leader who knows how to go to God with the hard stuff?”  Answer: pray the Psalms.

Question: “what if I don’t feel the thing the Psalm is saying?” Answer: pray the Psalms!  In the heat of the moment of oppression, or depression, or opposition, it is hard to figure out how to pray.  You need to have worked that out before hand by (you guessed it) praying the Psalms.

In fact, if I have one tip about how to pray the Psalms, it is precisely NOT to try to find a Psalm to fit your mood.  At least most of the time.  Certainly, there are going to be favorite Psalms we will return to again and again (for me: 1, 27, 42-43, 63, 130, 139) But as a regular practice, it is more important to fit ourselves into the Psalms than to fit the Psalms into ourselves.

Phyliss Tickle, an well-seasoned mystic was once asked how she prayed the sections of the Psalms she didn’t know how to relate to.  Her answer was marvelous.  She said that she remembered that at some point there had been such sections, but at this point in her life, she couldn’t for the life of her remember which ones they were.

Have you tried this?  Had a good time with it?

OR- if I asked you “what is the single most helpful practice that has helped you stay spiritually focused as a leader?” what would you say?

*Ok, if you want a silver and bronze medal: read the One Year Bible regularly and listen to good preaching online.  Close fourth: exercise.

As with so many issues, I see two primary mistakes to be made in relating to authority.  The first is submitting to it except not really submitting.  The second is refusing to submit except really submitting.  For my money, the second is more potentially damaging.  But maybe I should explain.

First, submitting except not really submitting.  This person acts like they are under authority.  On one hand, they say they support their leaders, and they at times act excited about the enterprise.  But it’s all a sham.  The minute their leader asks them to do something difficult, or they find themselves in any kind of disagreement with their leader, everything comes apart.  This might manifest itself as gossip, resistance, anger, but not usually outright rebellion. In fact, they might actually continue to say they support the enterprise.  But in actuality, they can become its worst nightmare.

Second, not submitting except actually submitting.  This person appears to be the all-american rebel.  They talk big and act like they are freshest thing since yesterday’s mozzarella cheese.  They don’t need leaders, they are their own boss.  Except when, err, it comes to actually taking responsibility, and, err, paying the bills.  Well, in that case, they might have to bow to the man, but it’s all a big conspiracy, see!  They really are their own personal James Dean.

We might say that  the two functions of leadership are to provide direction and resources.  To my mind, it’s always easier to take the resources than the direction.  Both errors are really manifestations of this tendency.  For the one, they like the safety of somebody else providing direction, as long as they like the direction.  The moment they don’t like it, they start to get angry.  The second person doesn’t even pretend to like the direction, but they aren’t actually gutsy enough to give up the resources and go it on their own.

So what, one might ask, am I suggesting we do?  Mindlessly surrender control to those with the money?  Become mere links in their chain of autocratic power.  No.  In fact, to some degree, both errors I outlined have in them the seeds of what most leaders end up actually valuing much.

Insofar as we don’t agree with our leaders, we can be invaluable to them if we constitute that rarest of birds: loyal opposition.  Loyal opposition will challenge the direction of a leader, but go along with it as much as possible without violating one’s own scruples, and even defend the best aspects of that direction to others.  Furthermore, loyal opposition understand that insofar as it is using the resources of its leader, it is to some extent bound to live under that leader’s direction.

In a healthy system, loyal opposition is the most likely candidate to be knighted for higher service.  And because it understands the Law of Resources (he who pays the check chooses the restaurant), the loyal opposition has likely been gathering her own resources in order to develop her own following.

Do you chafe under leadership?  Do you prefer to simply lay low?  Do you (like me) have a rebellious streak?  What do you do when leadership irritates you (at work, at church, as a citizen?)

So, we are REALLY hoping that our family is on the cusp of being done with five days of stomach flu, though, for the record, you could pray that my older daughter would stay healthy.  I should probably start by saying I know that in the realms of family sickness, this ranks low in the global measures of badness. I know there are places this kind of sickness can be lethal, and I know families in the US who deal with this kind of sickness for weeks at a time, or end up hospitalized.  And I know that people get cancer and heart attacks and car accidents.  All to say- I’m not in the market for pity.  But a few days at home taking turns puking with the kids does give some time for prayer and ad hoc theologizing.  How about three thoughts?

First- I am reminded of the tension of unanswered prayers.  God doesn’t always do what we ask him to.  And it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep asking.  And I continually have the sense that there really is no way to try to explain why this is.  It is so tempting, in our desire to have greater sense of control over our world, to theorize about why God answers this prayer but not this.  And in hindsight, I think it may occasionally be possible to see what God was doing.  But in the moment, I think the best thing to do is just to cry out to God for mercy.  In a few particularly frustrating moments, when the temptation to get “angry” at God felt most intense, I took comfort in Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of Psalm 32:10:

God-defiers are always in trouble;
God-affirmers find themselves loved
every time they turn around.

Second- God is very patient with us.  Q and I were both trying to be patient, godly people as we walked through all the vomit and the stress of figuring out what to do with church, etc.  And sometimes, we would be very patient and loving and self-giving.  And sometimes, I would find myself just plain angry, or anxious, or whiny, and not relying on God.  And I felt, more than usual, the sense of God just saying “Hey, it’s ok.  I love you.  I’m with you.  If you can’t pull this off all the way, I’m ok with that.  I’m still with you.” Lamentations 3:22-23 is crucial:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Third- we really do need other people.  We need people to clean up our puke for us, to help us decide that we can’t preach when we’re this sick (thanks Q), and that we’ll need to call in a substitute (great job Shannon).  We need people to pray for us, and feel sorry for us (because feeling sorry for ourselves only makes us miserable).  Le Que is leaving for 10 days in China on Thursday- I can’t imagine walking through this while she is gone.  But if I did- I would desperately need other people to help.  And when things get worse for our friends, that’s when they need us more.

Well, simple stuff.  Turns out- we have to trust God, he loves us, and we need each other.  We’ll do something complicated later this week.

Also, it’s amazing how many times two little girls can watch the music videos from High School Musical in a row.

I need to get better at spreading these posts out, so please continue to comment on the last one if you are interested.

I recently got an email from a guy in our church who was trying to figure out what his opinion was about a few different theological questions.  He’s a sharp guy and obviously well read on the issues.  They are things that I’ve thought about a lot, and have some developed opinions about myself.

But as I thought about how to answer him, I kept feeling like what I wanted to say was – “who the heck cares what your opinion is about that doctrine!?”

A few caveats are in order.  I am not anti-intellectual.  I am not anti-theology. I am not the sort of person who has ever accused somebody of thinking too much. I can’t imagine how thinking too much would even be possible. And I am also the kind of person who has received the prayer “Lord, don’t let his head get in the way of his heart.” And if you have prayed that over me, I have to tell you, I resent you for it.

All that said, I keep thinking that this guy is barking up the wrong tree, but that he is barking at a tree that lots of Christian teaching would encourage him to bark at (this dog metaphor is getting unwieldy, let’s drop it).  Maybe another way to put it is that I wasn’t saying the questions he was having were useless, but the way he was asking them was less helpful.  At this point, I’m going to stop thinking about this person as an actual person, and rather turn him into a hypothetical character, since I’m going to read way more into his questions than he very likely meant.

What he was trying to do was to develop a set of theological presuppositions that he could use to go out, live his life, and do his ministry.  Furthermore, these presuppositions would serve as a “filter” by which he could decide which churches, ministries, books, or teachings he would consider correct for consumption.  Or, as another leader I know put it, he was looking for the “boundaries” on the playing field of ministry.

The reason I don’t like this approach is not that it takes theology too seriously, but that it doesn’t take it seriously enough. If there is really a living God, theology isn’t an abstract idea, it’s live ammunition. It’s not just something we use to judge others, it describes the way in which we actually live our lives. And to use it as a means to constrict the possibilities of faith is precisely backwards- theology should open up new possibilities of faith.

What does this mean practically?  I think it informs the way we read, listen and converse.  We see theology less as a battle to see who’s right, and more as a consideration of possibilities for living.  It doesn’t mean we accept all doctrines- some clearly lead to morally degraded ways of being human and relating to God, and others open up rich, Christ centered ways of relating to God.  But it means we take an open stance towards, not just theological ideas, but God’s very world itself.

So, for example, if someone disagrees with a theological idea I hold dear, this might make me more and not less likely to read his book.  If someone has a totally different take on an approach to prayer, it might make me more likely to learn something about prayer from him, and even more likely to actually pray with him.  If a preacher comes from a tradition I’m not familiar with, I might really be interested in hearing him preach, because there might be something new and awesome to learn.

So the objection could easily be raised: but how will I keep from being deceived? Aren’t there terrible people out there trying to foist false doctrine off on me and send me straight to hell? Well, I suppose there probably are.  So definitely avoid those folks. How can you tell who they are?  After a while you can sniff it out pretty quick. Until then, just get recommendations from trusted friends.

What is your experience of theology?  Exciting?  Frustrating?  Confusing? Life-giving?

Le Que and I are about the most anti-morning people you can imagine.  We are working on it- really!  But one rule in our marriage is that we can only be held so accountable for anything we say before 10am.

Which raises the larger question- how do you deal with moodiness?  Both ours and others.  How do you lead, or preach, or counsel, or inspire, when inside you mostly feel snarky, angry, sad, or fearful?  And is it faking it?

Some of you might be less moody, but still, you have to deal with the moods of others.  It has a big impact, doesn’t it?  It’s scary sometimes to think how much the particular mood we are in might influence important decisions.  Are there wars that wouldn’t have been fought, or major companies that would never have started, if somebody’s blood sugar had been different on a given day?

Being a moody person, I think about this all the time.  I’ve got a few tips, and I’d love to know how you manage this.

1. Be aware of your moods and don’t believe them.  Be honest: did that person really mean to offend you, or are you just in a hyper-sensitive mood?

2. Tell on yourself.  ”I’m having a strong reaction in this meeting, but I have to be honest, I’ve been in an angry mood all day.”

3.  Pay attention to what causes moods to shift.  Sleep?  Family interactions?  Caffeine?  Exercise?  Eating?  Not eating?  TV shows?  Music?

What are your thoughts?  How do moods effect you?  How do you deal with them well?

I was asked by a couple of young women if they could “follow me around” a little over a year ago. It all started when I spoke at a young adult retreat. When I teach, I try to just share where I have been, and I hope to encourage people. I want them to encounter God himself, and that’s what I want for myself too.

So we started with two or three young women, and they’d ask me questions. I was a bit surprised at myself–I seemed to have experience with many of the things that they were wondering about. An amazing thing to me about this generation (20s-30s) is that when I would share something, they would immediately go out and try it. I was a bit taken aback by that, frankly. I didn’t know they were actually listening and were serious about doing stuff.

The group grew and became co-ed when one girl’s husband joined us. Then different young adults would join us from week to week. We met at the church in front of the fireplace. During the summer, I decided to have people meet on my porch. We would do prophetic exercises, practice hearing from God, that kind of thing. Everyone was able to grow, and really, many of them were already pretty fearless, and they pushed me in a good way to consider what they needed to know. We’ve talked about dream interpretation, inner healing, deliverance, evangelism, seers and prophets, church planting, and lots of other things. We’ve also had tons of fun together. I do consider these men and women my friends.

Finally last week, we were meeting in my living room and I asked each person what season they thought they were in, and what they thought they were called to do with their lives. (A heavy question, but I told them that it was okay not to be sure.) I did this in part so that I could be intentional in praying for them. And I also wanted to see what they believed their callings to be. There were measured responses–it is a personal question–and my desire to pray ran alongside a concern that I had about selfish ambition and self-promotion. I want to teach them about these issues, as most of them are leaders. It’s not that I see a roomful of potential Absaloms; however, I have seen people who struggled with these issues fall and lose not only their ministry, but their marriage and family as well. I also know people currently struggling in this area, (not necessarily in this age group.)

As an “influencer” of this group, I feel the gravity of my example. Just like hearing your toddler cuss, and knowing that he could have only learned that from you, I am taking a hard look at what I am communicating to these Little Leaguers (as I affectionately call them), whether by teaching or osmosis. Am I emphasizing cool spiritual gifts above the character of people that I admire? Because that’s like talking about someone’s height, or any other pleasing physical characteristic. They didn’t do anything to earn it; it’s a gift. Character is a choice and should be lauded. At least that what I teach. And it’s what I say I believe.

I emailed Jeff and asked for help on the issue of selfish ambition and self-promotion in young leaders. He said if I guest-posted, he’d post a reply. I’m looking forward to his thoughts, and to those of all the readers of his blog.

I have, oddly enough, more than one friend who left a life of opera singing to become a pastor. I remember the shape of a particular conversation with a couple of them, though I don’t remember the details. We were sitting around my apartment, before we had kids, eating and chatting about ministry. I was newly on staff at a large church and, probably to show off, I threw out some arcane detail of church administration I’d picked up.

I think it was the ratio 1.9:1. The number of parking spaces needed per chairs in a church auditorium, which was down (if I remember correctly) from 2:1, because of the increasing number of American singles. But that’s beside the point. Both their jaws dropped a little bit. “Who keeps those kinds of statistics?” They thought they were entering a world of spirituality, prayer, and mysticism, and it suddenly turns out pastors know statistics about parking spaces.

Many have pointed out that these kinds of issues run the danger of choking off the spiritual life of a church. We obsess over Sunday morning attendance, ratio of kids to adults, people to dollars, staff to membership, small groups to large groups. Pastors find they need to know not just theology but sociology, psychology, accounting, marketing.

It’s pretty easy to fall of on one side of the cart or the other- to completely dismiss the day to day administrative realities of congregational life (I would label this the gnostic error) or to approach ministry life merely as a list of to-do’s and details (I would label this the reductionist error).

What both sides miss is the incredible power of these two things coming together. Our first full time hire was a woman named Jody who left a stage management position at the prominent Guthrie Theater to run the administrative side of our church. She often comments on the continuity between the two jobs. The stage manager must understand the script and the creative vision of the director, as well us the budget limitations of the costume department.

How have you experienced this tension? Which side do you tend towards? How can we build effective ministry teams that don’t commit either the gnostic or reductionist errors?